“Sometimes living feels like a heavy responsibility” is what I found myself saying to someone today … and it had never occurred to me before.

The great Louise Hay wrote in her book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ that the worst word in the English language was should. We live a life dominated by shoulds: we should be thoughtful towards others; we should be ecologically aware and live in such a way as to protect our precious planet from further harm. And then there is the more difficult - we should honour our feelings as we honour those of others

And today I bumped up against honouring my own feelings versus honouring the feelings of someone I love. Live and let live. Free will. The inalienable right of every human being to plough their own furrow, to live their life as they see fit. But how, if you love another, do you stand by and watch them doing something that harms them - and say nothing?

Well, I said something … and it caused us both pain. I knew it would. Before I said it, I had to be sure that I was prepared to endure the pain of losing a relationship I hold utterly dear, or continue to carry with me the pain of watching someone slowly self-destruct.

Do you, in the name of kindness, say nothing; or do you put yourself in the invidious position of saying something which is terribly difficult both to say and to hear?

It seems like a no-win situation, whichever way you look at it. But I have learned - painfully - over the years, to advise myself the way I’d advise someone who came to me seeking answers. More recently, I have come to know and understand the gift of self love. Not the same as self esteem, self love is giving yourself the understanding, forgiveness and nurturing that you crave from outside.

Here’s the thing: it won’t come to you from outside - only from within you.

It is the responsibility of each of us to live our own lives and listen to the inner voice that guides us so accurately if only we will hear it, instead of listening to the endless justifications and arguments of the mind. It is my responsibility to communicate - gently and kindly but firmly - the message I need to get across. How you receive it is your responsibility and your choice.

And so I had to face up to my responsibility as a loving co-creator of a very special relationship. And it was very, very heavy.

Nobody ever said Life was going to be easy, but experience has finally taught me that a relatively short period of discomfort is better than a lifetime of pain