I talked in my last blog about love and relationship, particularly the chemistry of falling in love and what happens as the familiarity and routine of togetherness gradually takes over from that first flush of intense excitement.

Some lucky couples and will tell you, hand on heart, that they’ve never had an argument in the whole of their life together. Heartwarming - but how often do you hear it said? You can grade disagreements, can’t you? From differences of opinion, to bickering and stand-offs, all the way to full-scale blazing rows, with one or both parties slamming doors and storming off, maybe to return with no determination to resolve the conflict - stuck in a mindset of hurt pride and self-justification - no conclusion, communication nil and the home heavy with atmosphere. Evidently, no way to break the impasse. Well, actually there is.

You may already be practising Conscious Relating - in which case, good on ya! … particularly if you’re both doing it. It simply means choosing to become present to what is happening in your relationship, observing and taking responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions and - importantly - hearing what the other person is telling you. It’s a choice - and works far better, of course, if both parties choose to become conscious of the dynamics of the daily interaction with their significant other - however hard life gets. We are all to some extent subject to the effects of childhood programming and the challenges we’ve faced during the course of our lives. It’s not easy to come off automatic pilot, become aware of our demons and take responsibility for our reactions. And it’s particularly difficult in the heat of battle. If only one of you is relating consciously, the responsibility for the health of the relationship inevitably becomes theirs and it’s a heavy burden.

It’s common to stay in a relationship too long, whether through fear of change, children, financial problems, lack of confidence or just misguided loyalty. As with all major life decisions, coming out of an established relationship is tough and it’s really difficult to know how to make the right decision. Remember the oxygen mask analogy? It comes down to what works for YOU.

Ultimately, If all the resolve, trying and reasoning has failed and you find yourself going round and round in circles, what then? Albert Einstein had it in a nutshell, saying the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Ask yourself whether you have the energy to continue the never-ending dance. If it’s not a delicious YES … it’s a no.

With love and light, Michele x