I’ve been thinking a lot about relationship - particularly the primary relationship in our lives. If we haven’t got one, we want it. If we have one, it doesn’t take long before our ego boundaries snap back out of that gorgeous, fuzziness the chemical hit of being in love creates, into the harsh glare of reality. During the first flush of attraction, our ego boundaries merge, so that we stop feeling like ‘you’ and ‘me’ and start feeling like ‘we’. This is the time when you feel you’ve met the love of your life who understands you better than anyone else on earth - your dream partner.

Think of the last time you ran into someone you find attractive. Perhaps you stammered, your palms may have sweated; you may have said something incredibly asinine and tripped spectacularly while trying to saunter away (or is that just me?). And chances are, your heart was thudding in your chest. It’s no surprise that, for centuries, people thought love (and most other emotions, for that matter) arose from the heart. As it turns out, love is all about the brain – which, in turn, makes the rest of your body go haywire.

High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, also known as noradrenaline, are released during attraction. These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so ‘in love’ that you can’t eat and can’t sleep. Hardly surprising when you realise that noradrenaline is involved in our fight or flight response and designed to keep us awake and alert, while dopamine is closely associated with addiction.

Oxytocin, another powerful hormone that is involved in the bonding process, gives us that warm, cuddly feeling. And it’s thought that attraction results in lower levels of serotonin, a hormone known to be involved in appetite and mood, leading scientists to speculate that this is what underlies the overpowering infatuation that characterises the early stages of love.

No wonder then, that as all these powerful chemicals start to return to their pre-falling-in-love levels, we begin to notice the differences between us and become increasingly frustrated with those irritating little habits. And it’s all too easy, as this discomfort asserts itself, to start pulling away, craving more alone time, or maybe even begin looking around for another mate.

There’s more to love, though, than a bunch of chemicals. If there’s enough friendship, love and respect between us; and if we’re aware of the need for and are willing to work at a relationship, we have the potential to create something lasting and truly fulfilling. More on this tomorrow …

With love and light, Michele x